And as well as doing all the usual shower clichés (washing, singing, crying, pretending I'm at the Oscars, and dancing with the flannel whilst the shampoo gets jealous) I thought.
Thinking, as in, well, not the normal thinking I do, which I assume to be the same (but perhaps of higher quality) than most other citizens aboard the merry planet Earth, yet, this was a style of thinking, that allowed me to think, you know, go right down deep and discover a gritty core of intelligence and wonder (beneath the less gritty layer of intelligence, wonder and a taste for Marmite).
I have decided, that I am, worth it. You know, this whole life thing. For a while it's all been 'What's the point it's not like I am going to last long, and I could die tomorrow, and people will forget about me, and move on, and I'll eventually be old and dead and my kids will think my music is dumb and old and I am too obsessed with Sherlock and everyone will notice how lame I am because nobody goes near my gritty layer of intelligence and wonder and Marmite because nobody bloody likes Marmite
And so on....
So basically, I have been talking myself into a rainy outlook and deliberately chancing an umbrella and chancing NOT to, for a while. I have since discovered that I AM AN IDIOT.
Well, in that sense.
I took an average of my IQ scores (out of 5) and got 120... although I don't trust online tests, which puts me in the above-above average intelligence level. Hoorah?
Besides the point, I am an idiot in the sense that my amazing comedic genius has been skulking away behind the curtains of my teenage wallowing ability. Which you know, I'm sure will adapt soon into an adult wallowing ability, I am going to list here some things that are good about me:
I am good at languages, at making people laugh, at Frisbee, I like ska, I like Sherlock, I can do pretty good Irish and Australian accents, I have many amazing friends, like really, amazing friends, these guys made the final in the talent for my friendship, I'm not a bitch, I am not judgemental (particularly, nobody is fully non judgemental, it's human nature to judge) I am interested in people, and in science, and in anything either of those things has to say (unless it's about glee or greenhouse gasses, respectively) I like animals, I have been through stuff and I've come out the other side, I will listen, I want to help, I am a bit lazy but hey, whatever, I have a Mehdi, I can become what I want, I am clever, I will get the grades, I am 18 - this means fun, at least for a while, I have an amazing loving family, I am nice to anyone who is nice to me.
And oh, oh, the picnics I have organised.
People have said to me that they have met some amazing people, had some of the amazing times, and eaten some amazing amounts of food, at my picnics.
IF PICNICS ARE MY PURPOSE IN LIFE, I WILL BE HAPPY WITH THAT!
I think I discovered, via shower-thinking today, that life is life and it's mine, and that having a purpose or knowing who I am will never be important or particularly relevant as long as I'm smiling and that's about it.
See you all round
Ray <3 -xx-
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