Here's her blog: http://thecatsaunt.blogspot.com/
And the post I was reacting to: http://thecatsaunt.blogspot.com/2011/06/some-2-am-jibberish.html (which in fact wasn't jibberish at all, isn't that spelt gibberish Louise? tut tut)
Anyway, she was talking about what she calls 'nostalgia' which I disagree with, as in, the term she uses. It can't be nostalgia as she has never experienced a lot of it before. She states she feels nostalgic when seeing new places, or being amongst people and seeing their experiences, quite often wondering in awe at what exists down there that she hasn't discovered, or what makes that friendship group work. (This is in short, I'm not going to repeat her entire well written blog, of course)
I would not call this nostalgia. This is a simple element of HUMANITY. And since I can remember, I have loved to create my little worlds and sit and watch people go by, wondering what they're thinking, what language they speak (yay 21st century) what they're going to eat next, what decor they have in their bathroom, do they smoke, do they drink, do they beat their wife, do they rap, are they straight, gay, do they have a cat, a snake, a hamster, what is their big worry, are they financially stable!?!? And that's just if I see one person walking down the road, of course, there are many other questions my brain asks me, but that's just it. I would call it a Yearning, a desire to understand and learn how other's minds work.
Scientists spend many hours and many dollars (pounds, yen, whatever takes your fancy) on researching and brain scans and tests to try and get just a small snippet of human conscious. I find myself procrastinating my homework browsing Wikipedia with all the terms and such, but okay.
It isn't nostalgic to wonder their nostalgias, to feel like them, no matter who you are, what you ate for breakfast, if you're mentally ill or something, it is so so soo normal, to the fact that I can almost relate to a creepy stalker. Our society has manipulated our conscious to close out these things, and a lot of people feel weird for even dwelling on it for a split second, but it is important.
You, as only you knows, could be the only person that is real, and the others around you are all elements of your imagination, who knows, maybe they're just agents to our world that don't do anything except for wonder around our world and let us react within it.
That mindset comes to me from time to time, it is both very important to me, but also very dangerous, it makes me toy with my mortality when I am thinking, and perhaps push the boundaries slightly, but, I would not confuse this with a selfish mindset, not at all. Again with the tangents!
Sorry, the other part Louise mentioned was how places made her feel. I know what she means, but only when I'm in that state, I can actively make me feel it, it smells like coasters but also fresh grass. The familiar but new feeling, it feels as if I have never felt it before every time. Okay so, I could be anywhere, nostalgia is a sort of pang, of wanting to go back despite any badness and frolic in my old house with my younger brother. What I feel, sometimes, when I'm already in that "oh ma daizz humanity is dizzifyin' me" state, is when walking along, all the images:
One time, someone was here, building this wall. I wonder how many planes have flown over that sky? That logo used to be so much cooler, I wonder what it will look like in twenty years. Will I live that long, what will my kids see?
And also, it is again a kind of dangerous yet exploring, and natural state to be in. At first it feels uneasy, but then I just let it flood over me (like bathing in another's blood after having just sacrificed them because Busted asked me to)
And once that happens, I am no longer Rachel, I don't really think she is that important to the world, but you never know, she has just as much potential as anyone else, and on she walks through town listening to Spanish ska punk, well really.
This mindset has stayed with me, my whole life, not criticising me, but leading me away from the teenagery-ness a lot of my friends are nearly just over now, I haven't really had this, I was a bit of a brat about 10, but really, for reasons that can be found here on this blog if you look hard enough.
I am not saying I am alone in these feelings, of 'nostalgia' or whatever you want to call them, it is a simple, Human instinct, to know, to learn, it's just we've been taught it's unnatural, I feel, within society, we should want to go kill zombies, not know what that woman's favourite colour is.
And thus I conclude,
Tanks vair much, pet
Ray :) x
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