Funky Sauce Rap

Taken from an uber msn convo, this is what happens at 00:23 am lol

I be rachel, I am fly with my lyrici

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CHLOE SAYS:
*I LOVE GETTING DOWN WITH DEE FUNKY SAUCE
*Dee funky sauce is deee bommm


RACHEL SAYS:
*excuse me mam, i think im addicted, I didn't do my homework and i blamed it that the dog ate it, my names rachel im 16 years young, and i've been downing funky sauce since i was one, I know this is a place for support and anonymity, but really, what is the point in this committee, i mean, funky sauce is just so damn good, used in any context, its in my blood, my only worry is that if i bathe in it, i may never get out and i may drown in it!


CHLOE SAYS:
*LOLOLOLOL.


RACHEL SAYS:
*its true though, im up to my knees, i don't want help but im begging you please, perhaps just wean me off slowly, so that i only eat it with jacket potatoes, and what if i was to propose an hour, where funky sauce has more power, then we all get to jump right in, no consequences just take a swim, i know that you wanna get down and dirty, but im just a clown and when i turn thirty, im gonna have twins called funky and sauce, and they'd been having it straight from the umbelical cord, now watch your step, your treading over the line, let me just finish my rhyme, then i promise, i'll hand the good stuff over, except the stash thats hidden under my sofa

Something meaningful

you want me to tell you something meaningful
well i could try but it might be horrible
every kid thinks their life is trying
but i'm stuck in the loop, it's occupyin'

tearing at my brain both mentally and physically
whats the use in treating me medicinally
we all know that its down to trauma
and who are you to say your my father

you don't believe me, and your deluding yourself
i can't escape it and it's rotting my health
you never deserved me or my brother
and i'm glad as fuck that i've got my mother

my reputation is weak and feeble
coz i've been thought odd by so many people
whats one word that you're just escaping
that word is trust and you've been faking

telling the college you have an interest in me
more like a business email, periodically
I'm never gonna love you like you think
I'm keepin' it all, even the kitchen sink

It ain't just you that I'm hating on
It's all this people behind this song
you know, your WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY
the ones that abused me and fucked my mind, yeah?

Well guess what your one of them,
a common shit in that 95%
you used to swear to me that you weren't part of
well fuck off dad, you're as bad as

you're as bad as them, and if not worse
and now you left me with this curse
what they did altered my mental process
I thought I was insane until I noticed

I'm smart enough to get good grades
I'm never fucking seeing you again
Words are my art and I'm not ashamed
but you left me there when I was in pain

Did you even want a daughter?
You don't care what I do you fucking liar
I have nothing to say except hateful words
You can't rationalise that I've been hurt.

You left me alone in that house
after instructions from a mouth
that spoke on behalf of child protection
but what do you care you just left me with him

now my hate for you is part of me
seeing as you never showed any care for me
that day at the hospital you lied to me
and you put me through so much stress you see

I just can't take all your shit,
I wish you weren't on this planet
and now I've just got to live with it
and deal with the constant hate that comes with it

One day I hope you do realise
but mum says, and she's probably right
you'll never see it from my perspective
coz you chose your mother over your offspring

that was one wrong choice there,
she's nuts and should be in care
she's lied to you so many times
would've thought you could see through her lies

Random spur of the moment rhyming

This must be meaningful to someone

_____________________________________________________________________________________

this song is a plant of a flowering variety
the rhythm of a chant with a botanical proriety
it takes the nurtients from under your feet
and even in a photosynthesis contest:
your mum would admit defeat

I ain't lying
I'm not not telling the truth
but this double negative's positive
without your abuse

I'm healthy in a good way
and other way's I'm not
I'm a lyrical genius
and i don't have any teeth rot

Like a cold train station on a summers day,
the plot was wrong from the beginning anyway
if you think i'm smoking something then you are fooled
i have no lungs i'm an aquatic-mammal hybrid.

Only joking gills aren't real
unless your a fish and i do wish
that i should really think before i speak
but if we all did that then life would be meek

I mean then not than im not making a comparison
go compare yourself and then buy it on amazon
better yet break the law and download it for free
we all know our concious is format of mp3

and declaration 33 of our wonderful society
claims bouncey castles are affluent pediatrists
but like i said in the other verse
i shouldn't just speak, i should think first.


And when that train pulls into this station
let me make just one, rectification
I'm not asking for the sake of you
but i mean seriously? do I have to?

And that's one thing that's wrong with this world
apart from david cameron and genocide
we never quick to shift our responsibility, huh?
and it's a crime to commit suicide.

We over analyse the human mental process
dishing out pills and blaming smokers
but if i was just me and i didn't know what i did?
wouldn't that make me some kind of invalid?

I'm just a confused teenager with a messed up pass
a sign on my head that says "do not tresspass"
although i know you do anyway
the apples in my orchard are to good to stay away

And i'm not trying to start no criticism
but why can't you just be normal citizens
am i crazy or am i sane
or am i just deluded again

and you know derren brown and osama bin laden
know each other through six degrees of seperation
it's way too much for us to take in
and what's with the internets love of bacon?

i don't really like it...


_____________________________________________________________________________________

lol hope you enjoyed that, kind of meaningful, don't steal this or anything because I am like friends with nasa, and they will find some aliens to shoot you

But yeah...

I just realised, that i always seem to say "but yeah..." when i lose the ticket for my train of thought.

Wow my phone just went off...must check it!

Oh it's CHLOEEEEEE...she has an accent on the e. Like this? ChlÅ..~é OMG it's Chloé, haha. *Awkward look around the room*

I admit it, I am in love with holby city, and casualty, but frankly i get to watch holby with my mum and i just love it! haha. But yes, tuesdays = holby city. How well it all turned out today... Oh except for that kid dying.... :S

I need to blog more often. In psychology we were talking about how the long term memory theoretically has no maximum capacity, but i think my brain may explode if i didn't empty my thoughts into this beautiful webspace.

Oh this weekend just gone was rather...well...I'll let you think of an appropriate adjective, I guess.

On Friday college finished, and then we got ready to go and see kids cant fly, zebrahead and less than jake <3,>

I remember the first time i saw zebrahead. It was the first time i saw bowling for soup, and was my first proper gig thingy.... lol

Oh and the first time i saw kids can't fly was in the joiners and drew signed my poster YAY!

haha hooray for bassists!

On saturday me and fran had a completely wonderous day consisting of chips, swings, fizzy drinks, chocolate and guitar hero....

On sunday i got dragged along to a Chelsea match, which was cool, because Sunderland won 3-0 and the person I was next to was a MAJOR sunderland fan but had to sit in the Chelsea bit.. trolol. OH and that day i had THREE hot chocolates.

I did my sociology homework on the morning before handing it in, I really hope I don't upset my teacher too much!

But that covers my weekend, and a bit before and after.

Right now I'm talking to maddy, who is being suspicious. She's a fav contact of mine because she doesn't start a convo with hello. Oh and she's just talking about my previous blog, which is a song about how RIDICULOUSLY ANNOYING MY JAVA APPLICATION IS!!

you know when you think spiders are crawling all over you...well thats happening now! Thank god I'm not Gillian McKeith. The worst part is, I don't even watch I'm a celebrity, but i know everything that's going on.

Gotta love facebook :D

Oh stop calling a facebook Status a statt us. If you are british, it is a state us.

Stop it, you sound American! What about the british band, status quo? Huh? what's a band? Sorry I only listen to Justin Bieber?

Better yet, why doesn't count dracula sparkle?

(Psst...I'm mocking you)

Right, must dash, I'm getting into dangerous rachel-rant territory!

Love as always x

Umbrellas and hats :)

P.S I mean Rachel

toodles x

My little song about how my Java update doesn't work properly :)

SORRAYZ about the EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

everytime i turn on my laptop

you have to bug me it's constant; non stop

i just need a break from your constant nagging

run your fucking update if you think i'm lacking

java, oh java

you really take the piss

java oh java

just update when i click

and if i take a moment just to swear at you then i,

well i dont know what to say, but i won't apologise

stop interrupting my msn convo

your system sound is louder than i know about

if you make me jump, just one more time with this

i swear to you, i'm boycotting open office!

java, oh java

you really take the piss

java oh java

just update when i click

and if i take a moment just to swear at you then i,

well i dont know what to say, but i won't apologise

Oh i'm not sorry

you had your chance at updating software

but if you lack the skills then get out of my hair

and i seem to notice it doesn't make any difference

if java doesn't work then there is no irritance

java, oh java

you really take the piss

java, oh java

is there a version on compact disk?

or floppy

because to be honest with you

there's nothing i can do

to make you update well

if you want this chance

then take it seriously

or go FUCKING KILL YOURSELF

java, oh java

you really take the piss

java oh java

just update when i click

java, oh java

you really take the piss

java oh java

just update when i click

Jesus, just UPDATE....

Today

Today was friday, so as it's friday, and i've successfully opened my eyes, I can then proceed to see that it is only 20 to 7, and I can have me some more sleeps, which, tbh, just pisses my mum off.

So I wake up and throw some clothes on, grab the form for my psychology trip and head off down stairs. I eat some blueberry yoghurt - surprisingly slowly as it IS yoghurt, and drink some fruit juice, which always reminds me of sour baked beans for some reason.

So my mum gets annoyed with the form filling, which is acceptable tbh, the only medication i've been on is some form of vitamin B, my only allergies are to rabbits, and my only medical problem is that stupid heart murmur that is there JUST to piss people off on forms.

Does your son/daughter have a really annoying and nonsensical heart murmur? YES/NO

-_-

anyway, yeah, so after the form I ended up going to college, still with Evil Boy by Die Antwoord in my head, from yesterday, but yes, in the car, drop Alex off at the bus stop, and drive round the corner, and get dropped off at the back entrance of the college.

I don't normally go in this way to college, but I saw a cleaner who blatantly thought they were Kim Woodburn, and the other person who works there but I am not aware of their job, and they are a woman, but a very manly butch woman... so

I go through the automagic doors, and wonder if they are going to open, nearly panic but they opened and my brain was confused but I ended up inside the college. Then I talk to the Ginger Welsh Man, who i totally want to buy Maltesers for, but y'know, and he makes small talk, with a welsh twang, so then I sit down and start writing in Cabelenuss, which is a made up language: A mixture of Latin, Polish and Afrikaans, so there you are.

And then the awesome old lady cleaner, who reminds me of Lois's mother in Malcolm in the middle, except this cleaner smiles at you, well, she's complaining about something to do with the state of England and how we act with marriage and such, which is always entertaining.

Then the lesbian lady came over and they were talking about things they owned, such as shoes and things, and then she said "I'll tell you what I have got" meaning a male appendage, which made THE most awkward silence i think i've ever witnessed.... :|

Then the receptionist lady comes in, and proceeds to tell ginger welsh man and a couple of cleaners about a story of somehow her husband managed to try and unclog their toilet at 3am and get themselves covered in shit...so I was like, urm, okay then...

so the receptionist came in at 8:15, which was later than normal, and then i see one of half of my sociology teachers, and I need him to sign my form for my trip, so I run after him being all "Sociology Duuudeee" well, i said his name but i'm not using names on here...

Anyway, the problem being that i had a lisp today due to burning my tongue on the karma that is rice, after i insulted it last night, but anyway, it seemed to confuse my soc teacher.

After that i decided i would go for a walk, and i found my wonderous friend michelle, chilling, quite literally, outside on the phone, so yeah, and then it just got more cold so we went back inside and in and out and in and out and shook it all about. And when we were bored of that we went up to psychology.

This is where the fun began, firstly, I was already walking around singing Evil Boy, and then our Pysch teacher was like, I'm printing you out some cue cards, and Michelle and I had to retrieve these wonders, so I walk into the office and say to an audience of 4

"is their any printer in the paper" and then lol so much I had to go and look at pictures of the man with the sexiest voice: Philip Zimbardo (this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsFEV35tWsg )

Apparently he came to London, and Itchen college went to see him speak, and there are some of those awkward photos you just wouldn't normally display of him on the glass thing outside of Psych...

So whilst I was reading that, Michelle couldn't see me, and the printer wasn't working, so I followed Michelle back to the pysch classroom and she was confused so I told her i was in love with philip zimbardo and that the printer wasn't working and then pretended to cry...

So anyway our teacher gave up printing and we went off to revise and talk about our life experiences for a while.

Then I had a sociology lesson, which was a mad final energy burst to finish our booklet on the family, which did make at least 3 people cry, but there was a picture of some radical psychiatrists to doodle on, seeing as your mum's favourite functionalist was already doodled half way to hell.... good ol' talcott... ANYWAY, yeah, so that for a double period, it wasn't fun and it wasn't dandy, but oh WELL, it was only one lesson, and we got to go early!

After this i had a 1hour ish lunch break, and I was trying to decide whether to go to Chinese club or book club when I saw Katie.. AND YAY, she was buying chips. After salting them and such other things she turned around directly into a man balancing scalding hot pasta king on his arms and nearly caused a fatality, but yeah.

Then we met this girl, who always has one eye closed, and sort of is just always there, she means well, but it is a bit creepy. Now she invited me and Katie and some other people to do a tap dancing class, but Not many people are really into that, so by now it was 1:15 and I needed to get my spanish teacher to sign my trip form, so I went up there, with Katie, and we were talking about the girl with the eye thing, and she just APPEARED, and i legged it up the stairs because i was laughing so hard, and Katie followed, but Katie waited for her to leave, and she was standing there for quite a while after we had gone.

It was around this time when Katie admitted she had in a panic, invited her to the book club, so I definitely decided on the Chinese club, because otherwise it would have been giggles forever more.

So I got my spanish teacher to sign the form, and I told her about Cabelnuss, the made up language, and she was really interested, which was surprising, but yeah.

And then I learnt some Chinese....and just HOW do you say the number nine in chinese, but oh well, it is all good lol, because I got to play with chopsticks for a while, which caused MAJOR hand cramp, like all the way RSI, so i need to practise.

After this was over, I went on to my English Language class, to which Katie was outside of, and I asked her about book club, and My choice wins overall.

Then I went to english, and I am SUCH a nerd, I was excited to look at the verbs and all the different ways we use them, but there are too many names for them and my head hurts just thinking about a future aspect and a perfect present continuous or whatever it is :(

And then it was the end of the day, and I annoyed my mum because I made her pick me up, but I got home, had a worthwhile chat with the dog and washed up, came upstairs and watched Evil Boy to try and get rid of the stupid song, which didn't work, because I'm still singing it NOW. (22:50)

Anyway, I went on my laptop and then iplayer desktop was all like

"Excuse me, but you seem to have a programme that is going to expire in the near future, you should watch it..."

It was horizon, and I'm a biology nerd so I watched it, and chatted a bit to my good friend RRROBYNNNIOOO

yeah, and then I had to go out for dinner.

There was a man with THE most amazing moustache, it was proper sticky out to the left, to the right, and then down. I'm not saying this in a racist way, but as his skin was dark, the zangy gray of his moustache stood out so much i took such a sharp intake of breath it cut the tails of my cilia!

But other than that, I'm here now, just chilling, writing this.

Before I go, my friend matticus has just informed me that the most wonderful actor who played Harry Harper on casualty died from cancer, god bless you simon maccorkindale, I will always love you :')

Apparently he died in his wife's arms too, how wonderfully sad :(

anyway, hope you enjoyed this slightly, Know you love meeee

Rachel x

The opposite of maddy's ACE situation

Neither of our situations are ACE, which is kind of irrelevant to me, because Itchen College's version of ACE is GATEway... just so you know.

Basically it's for clever young students who do well at GCSE and get to work towards another qualification that universities jizz over.

The thing is, I could be a model student, but I'm not, I like to have fun, and getting straight A's isn't, for me, but I did get 6 B's and 4 A's for my GCSE's, and I am ONEEEEE point away from being in gateway or ace or the extended project thingymabob.

So, I speak to my english language teacher who is coincidentally the gateway coordinator but to be honest, she put me off more than made me want to join, but she's left the option open, and for me to come back and talk to her in January when they start the extended project. But that's when all my 'xaminations are so y'kno...

I do like apostrophes... What do you guys think I should do.

Anyway Maddy, my dear friend, who is also a blogger, ain't it funny we are in opposing situations?

GOOD DAY CHAPS


Rachel x